Just another day

Today was, well, just another day. There are more of these lately, more than I have had in quite a long time. What exactly is just another day? Well, I guess you can say its a day when I am just content with the direction in which my life is going. There is not depression like I felt during the years of repression(sorry bad unintentional rhyme), no hormone induced emotional roller coaster, just me being happy looking forward to the future, but content with the present.

I reflected a few times on the important step that Nikki and Breanna took yesterday when they went full time, living as their true selves 24/7. Everything seemed to go very well for them, and I am so excited for them. in a way it really helps me to realize that in the end everything will be ok. This is not to say that the road will be easy. I know there will be difficult times, many of which are behind me, but many of which still lay on the road ahead. Whatever the future holds, I am content that the day will come when I can finally live as my true self. 

For now, I am learning to finally enjoy the simple things in life. To finally be able to take one day at a time, and to experience life. For so many years, I let life pass me by. I could not savor it. I was too wrapped up in hiding from myself, hiding myself from the world, afraid of revealing myself. These days, I live with less of that fear. I wouldn’t even really call it fear anymore. In fact, many times I have to hold myself back from telling people. 

Last Friday, the day after I had gone out to see Trinidad, I had to hold myself back from talking to my employees about the evening I had. I had enjoyed that evening out so much, that I wanted to share it. Instead, I just smiled to myself, realizing that the evening before had been so much fun and the time would come when I would be able to openly share my life and the things that I do. For now, I share the moments with my friends and family who know who I really am. 

While today was just another week, the next few days hold the promise of some fun. The Out & Equal Workplace Summit comes to Austin this week, and with it a few of the contacts I have been speaking with inside my company. Tomorrow I get the chance to meet them face to face. It will be nice to finally meet someone else who has transitioned at the same company, and who has become a great support to me. Because of timing issues, I may have to go in boy mode, but we should be able to plan some other activities later in the week that will allow me to go out as myself. I look forward to that. I hope a few ordinary days will flow into a few extraordinary ones. 

An ordinary day is refreshing, especially in light of all the dark days I have left behind. To Nikki and Breanna, I wish you both many ordinary days, where you can finally just enjoy being you without all the conflict of the past! I look forward to joining you in having those kinds of ordinary days. For now, I will be content with knowing that I am, for the first time in my life, on the right path.