Day of Remebrance

November 20th is fast approaching. For anyone who does not know, November 20th is the day when we recognize Transgender Day of Remembrance(DOR). This is a time for us to look back on the last year, and remember those who were violently taken from us for no other reason than being gender non-conforming. This is the first DOR that I will be taking part in, in fact, prior to my starting the coming out process, I had not even heard of DOR prior to March of this year. If I had know about it before, would I have attended? Probably not, mostly for fear of being outed, fear of people figuring out my deep dark secret. 

It is only now, now that I have finally come to terms with the incongruity between my body and my soul that I can finally be free to pay my respects to those whose lives were cut so terribly short. Transition has, in fact, freed me to do so many other things. Namely of course to be me. Though I still have some time before I go full time, the fact that I finally have space is so much better than having non at all. I still face the dislike for having to spend part of my days in “boy mode.” Not really a big fan of that term anymore, not sure what it is about it, I think because that assumes that I spend part of my time in “girl mode,” which makes my time as Kathryn seem like something constructed or made up, like it is something that I put on. It’s interesting how I start to contemplate those terms and euphemisms that are so prevalent in the community. There are so many out there, some that are accepted, some that are not. The degree to which terms are accepted also varies from person to person, or from region to region.  Take for example, crossdresser and transvestite. There are two terms used to describe people who identify and live as one gender, but enjoy spending some time dressed as the opposite gender. In the United States, transvestite has fallen out of favor, but in Britain it is still acceptable. It’s almost like we have out own transgender language with regional dialects.

Anyway, I think I am getting way off topic here. Back to DOR for a moment. If you haven’t looked for your local event, I highly encourage you to do so. One place you can go it this years DOR website at:http://www.transgenderdor.org/. If you area is not listed, but there is an event going on let Ethan know so he can get the event up on the site. There have been a lot of additions to the events list the last few weeks. This is a good time for those of us who are trans to stand up against violence against our community. If you are a trans ally, this is a good time to stand up and let people know that you support the trans community. 

As we all know, there has been a lot going on politically the last week or so. I wasn’t sure how much I was going to get into politics here, but I guess there are a few important things to say. We saw a major shift in this last election, and opportunity to fix some of what is broken. The one thing that I caution people in is expecting an over night fix from President-Elect Obama. It took Bush a few years to mess things up, and it will take a few years to get things back in order. There are a lot of expectations placed on this man, and I think he is the kind of leader we need to make some significant changes. I know that many people in the LGBT community in general are hoping that the gains made in congress might renew the promise of an inclusive ENDA. I too hope for that, but we also need to realize that those who dropped us from ENDA are still in office. We need to keep on them. Obama said he would sign an inclusive ENDA, so make sure you are lobbying your representatives for such. I have not participated in a lobby day before, but I am seriously considering it.  NCTE will be hosting its annual lobby day April 26th through the 28th. Like I said, I have never done this before, but I will probably be there. Besides that it is right around the time I plan on going full time, so what better time to get out there and be more visibly active!

Now a few words about prop 8, or H8 as some are calling it. I’m not going to sit here and try and dissect what when wrong, but if I ran that campaign I would have…… Just kidding I said I wouldn’t and I won’t. I am however very disappointed in the results. Vicki Kolakowski did a recent interview on Trans-Ponder in which she mentioned how some in the trans community did not feel that prop H8 applies to them. Right now, for many of them they may be right. The members of our community who are straight identified and post-op, this may not apply to them fully. Vicky explains, however that it may still affect all of us. If you are in a legally heterosexual marriage, and go through divorce or one of you passes away, your gender may be challenged. If so, the court may decide that you are not in a prop 8 marriage, and eliminate property rights or other privileges of marriage. There are still times and places where someone could try and use your trans status to reduce or void your marriage. This is not just an LGB issue, this can affect all of us. That is all I will say on the topic. 

Ok, enough politics. I’m getting too tired now. One last, and very important thing, a friend of mine has had a very difficult time with coming out to her family. Please stop by her blog on Yahoo360 and show her some support. I think she really needs some words of support and encouragement right now.

Thoughts on Happy Posts

There were a few things that have made me think this weekend. One of those things was a recent post on TranscendGender.com by Amber. In it she questions whether or not people like to read “happy posts.” I found this to be a very relevant and important question.

For many people in the trans community, blogs and internet postings have become a way to gain much needed support during the difficult times of transition. For many people, this may be their only outlet to try and get the support they need to make it through the hard times. As a result, many of us find posting our challenges to be not only a way to get support, but also a cathartic release of sorts as well. We can use this wonderful medium to get things off our chests or just put our thoughts into words.

Posts about challenges tend to elicit the most responses. Does that mean that those posts are the most read? Maybe, maybe not. Lets take a quick look at my own blogs stats to see what the numbers say. My most popular post so far, aside from my post on transcendgender on Transgender Access to Health Care, is a post I titles “Between Two Worlds.” This was a post in which I talked about my frustrations of being stuck between two worlds. The next three were on the importance of surgical status, my struggles with courage to transition, and one about the film “Trinidad.” By the way a side note here, looking at TransscendGender, posts about documentaries seem to be the most popular by far.

   On the other end of the spectrum, my least read posts are one I wrote about a night out on the town(a positive post) and another one about my renewed commitment to this blog. The least popular were some of my most upbeat and happy posts. 

As for comments, I tended to get the most comments when I discussed days when I was having a hard time with things or important trans-related topics, such as my discussion on identifying by surgical status. I’ll be the first to tell you that the comments for the posts when I was feeling down and out were the most important comments for me, and I just want to take a moment to thank those of you who posted to those. The other comments were important as well, they told me that the issues I was talking about were important to others in the community, and that I was not the only one thinking about them. 

Now comes a part of this that has presented me with some angst. That is my not sharing some of the things that have gotten me the most excited during my transition in terms of help for my transition. I posted once on the benefits in my workplace. I am fortunate to work for a company that has comprehensive trans medical benefits, up to and including surgery. I was quite excited when I found all of this out, and I posted a bit about it. This was one of my least popular posts and it received no comments. The angst comes in that I sometimes feel guilty sharing some of this information on my blog or even with friends. I feel guilty because most are not fortunate to have the protections and coverage that I have. So, when I have these kinds of,”Wow! This is great!” moments, I feel reluctant to share this information. 

I don’t think that we don’t want to hear about what is going well in each others lives, I think that we have found this medium to be a great way to get and lend support. I have never been a part of a community that was so dedicated to it members and to lending support to one another in our darkest moments. I think much of that comes from seeing too many of our sisters and brothers take their lives before they had a chance to live their lives, we don’t want to see any others take a step down that dark path. We also seek out support to help make sure that we make it to transition, and that we don’t take that final irreversible step into blackness. 

I would like to see more of us share out normal everyday joys, along with the frustrations. I posted recently about the seemingly normal uneventful days that I was having. This was a post about how average some days of transition can be. In fact, I think that many of us probably wind up with more and more of these days, especially after transition. For me, these average, nothing special days are a sign that the dark days of depression and repression are slowly slipping away, and the days of being myself full time are approaching. I look forward to the day when most of my days are just normal days, and I have little to write about. I will still write anyway because I have come to find it to be an important part of my life.

Now on to some happy news. Warning, happy content ahead! 

As some may know, the Out & Equal Workplace Summit took place in Austin, TX this last week. A contingent from my company came out for the conference, people from different work sites around the country. This was significant, because I got the chance to meet three people who have been a great support for me as I begin planning my workplace transition. These people included a member of our LGBT employee resource group, a trans-woman who works for my company, another contact in the ERG, and a woman who helped me get in touch with the right HR person in the company. The first individual answered my semi-anonymous e-mail and got the ball rolling for me.  He got me in touch with the trans-woman, who helped me know that I was not alone. All of these people together have made a tremendous difference in my life. They took a huge weight off of my shoulders, and assured me that all would be ok at work, that I had nothing to worry about with this company.

Meeting them was a very emotional event for me. I held up well, but I was so thankful to them. They made such a difference. I was able to refocus that energy was I spending worried about workplace stuff, and use that energy for other tasks. What an amazing group of people. They even asked if I would present next year at Out & Equal, and I said sure! I hope they were serious, because I am. I plan on being full time by then, and it would be a huge honor to be a trans representative of my company at Out & Equal. 

I hope to be able to say more about these wonderful people in the future. For now, for my privacy and theirs, I will keep them anonymous people, but they know who they are. 

One thing I must say is that if your company has an LGBT employee group, get involved with it. Even if you are not out at work yet, you can be involved as an ally of the group. These groups can be instrumental in steering company policy and company benefits. The work you do now can benefit other transgender employees who come after you. These groups can only grow if people get involved. If you company doesn’t have such a group, find out the company policies on starting employee resource or networking groups. Find other LGBT folks in your company, and start one. Many companies don’t realize how many LGBT employees they have unless those employees make their voices known. If they think they don’t have many, why are they going to bother providing benefits or protections! For many trans people, the protections of their employers are the only protections they have until we can expand legal protections. It is because of employee resource groups that these folks are able to at least know their job is secure, even if they have no legal protection where they live. 

I am in a fortunate position, and I thank God for this everyday. In my previous career, I saw first hand trans-women who had no jobs, no health coverage, no homes, no support. I want to see that become a thing of the past. I want to be a part of continuing the fight that other began before me. Just because I have these things does not mean I am content to just live my life. I was asked once why I care about things such as an inclusive ENDA when I am protected by my employer, and my response was simple yet heart felt,”Because there are other who are not protected.” 

I may not yet be in a position to lobby and fight, but I guarantee you that the day will come. I was never an activist before. I never really took a stand on anything, but now I have a hard time not taking a stand. I finally have things that I believe in so strongly that I have to stand up and be heard. It is refreshing. I often wondered if I would be passionate about anything. In the last few months I have come to learn that you have to be passionate about life to be passionate about issues. I was not passionate about my life before, and, now, with each step closer to living my life as the woman that I am I become more passionate about life and living.

Thinking about health benefits

I sit here tonight considering the health benefits that may or may not be covered by my employers health plans, and, namely, the plan I selected when I first joined the company. While I am not in a position to name my company, I will say that my employer has scored a 100 on, it pains me to say it, HRC’s (ok I said it, I promise not to say it again in this post) equality index. The score card says that both hormones and office visits are covered. Well, I have already paid out of pocket for both hormones and office visits.

Armed with this new information, I now am beginning the process of getting some of my money back. The hormones are easy. The prescription drug coverage has a great tool that uses my information, including the fact that I biologically male, to estimate what I should have paid. I can now mail in a claims for to get the difference reimbursed. I got covered right away from my sprio, but my estradiol came from a mail order pharmacy that did not ask for my insurance information. I think some people are just used to our medications not being covered that they simply don’t ask. 

My next step is going to be tackling the topic of office visits. I do not know for sure if my particular plan covers office visits for transgender treatment. My doctor seems vary wary of submitting claims for transgender treatment, I think she was burned by an insurance company in the past. I don’t know it for sure, but I get that feeling. So, I would have to call my insurance company or my health benefits administrator and ask if it is covered and possibly even ask what codes need to be used by my doctor. I would much rather pay a $20 copay than a $90 out of pocket! I don’t know why I have some issues making this call. I guess it is because I have yet to discuss my trans status with anyone but my spouse and sister-in-law and other people in the transgender community. I guess I don’t want to risk hearing a silence after I ask,”So I wanted to see if office visits are covered for treatment related to being transgender.” While we hope that people will be professional and courteous, we never know for sure until we are in the situation. This would also be the first time that I indicated my status to someone that I did not know.

On a related front I began the process of reaching out to my companies GLBT employee group. I did it somewhat anonymously at this time, using my non-work e-mail address and my chosen name instead of my birth name. I have heard a figure that my company estimates there being about 300 employees who identify as trans. My hope is to get in touch with some of those employees, and learn from their transition experiences at the company. We are pretty well spread out, so there may be some social and geographical differences in their transition experiences, but have a strong policy around transition probably helped those who have transitioned at the company. For all the resources that seem to be out there, most seem to address people who are transitioning at companies with no formal policies. As we see more and more companies implementing policies protecting transitioning employees, I think we need to realize that even employees in companies with policies need some guidance and support. I admit that I an quite nervous about coming out to HR and starting the workplace transition process. I want to find the right time to start planning, but I am not sure how early is too early, or how long I should wait. There are other factors that play into it, such as growing out my hair in a profession that embraces professional appearance. I have a lot more to ponder on that. 

With all that is going on around ENDA, I do feel fortunate to be working for a company that supports its transgender employees. The more I look at my own companies policies, the more I think about those who do not have such protections. Ethan St. Pierre mentioned in his most recent podcast about a woman who was fired from a fast food restaurant the day after her manager realized that she was not protected under federal law. As long as we have people and companies like that, we need to continue fighting for protections. We also need to realize that even when we do have protection, there will still be people who will try and fire us because we are transgender. They will use the old excuses of work performance, misconduct, or other violations of company policy, but their reasons will be the same, it will be because we are transgender. Our fight will not end with the passage of legislation, we will simply need to change our focus from educating our legislators to educating employers and employees.

Thoughts on Independence Day

I sit here on July 4th, Independence Day, contemplating the significance of the day, and how my independence and my rights fit into the struggle of our countries founders to gain independence and broader rights. This year has been filled with many significant events. We continue to battle for an inclusive ENDA all the while the fight at state and local levels continues as well. I think we have probably seen that in many instances, gaining rights on the local level is often easier than gaining them on the Federal level. Colorado passed legislation protecting rights based on gender identity, despite some pretty offensive ads that were aired. I believe that it is these local victories that will pave the way for broader victories in the future. 

The LGBTQ community scored a major victory this year with the court ruling in California which extended the right to marry to all people, regardless of sex. We now have two states out of fifty that allow marriage equality. Two down, 48 to go. It may seem like a lot of work ahead, and it is, but I think one only needs to look at the increasing pace at which legislation is being passed to protect people on the basis of gender identity on the state and local levels. 

IN 1975, Minneapolis passed the first even legislation that protected the transgender community. This was unheard of at the time. During that decade, two other municipalities took similar action, Los Angeles, CA and Urbana, IL. I never heard of Urbana, IL, yet they were way ahead of the rest of the country in their crafting of legislation in the 1970’s. We saw things slow down for a while, with only two similar laws being enacted in the 1980’s, and the 90’s got off to a slow start with only 5 such laws being enacted during the fist half of the decade. 

On July 4th, 1996, In Houston, TX, not exactly the most LGBT friendly state(I do live in Texas by the way and have found acceptance when I live), the International Bill of Gender Rights was adopted at the 6th and final conference of the International Conference on Transgender Law and Employment Policy(ICTLEP). In the years that followed, we saw and dramatic increase in the number of states and municipalities passing gender identity protections. The following two years saw the passage of more legislation than the previous two decades. Since the year 2000 ,we have seen over approximately 80 such laws or ordinances being passed. Talk about acceleration.

As we have gained rights, congress has finally taken notice. ENDA was initially set to go before congress with protections for gender identity, we all know what happened there, thanks in no small part to our friends at HRC. The ensuing uproar over the issue has had a ripple affect. People throughout the LGBTQ community have stood up and said that they are not going to leave us behind. Lesbian, Gay, and Bi allies are showing their support through actions such as boycotting HRC events, and organization that was founded to support the rights of the LGB community, and probably had a significant impact on the rights that they now enjoy. But, the outrage has been so strong, that they are willing to turn their back on this organization, and stand next to us as we fight to be included in employment non-discrimination legislation.

We have had the first ever hearing on transgender issues and employment discrimination before a house subcommittee. I think most of us thought that day would be years or decades away after the ENDA events. But, our voices have been heard. We are gaining recognition. We may be a small community, but we are a vocal community, we are a community with allies and support, and we are a community that will not rest until we have equal rights. We are not asking for special rights. We are only asking for the rights that every cisgender American has, the rights to job, housing, education, health care, insurance, and the right to the American dream. 

Below I have included the text of the text of the International Bill of Gender Rights. I think that the rights enumerated in the IBGR will one day be ours. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but if we continue to educate and enlighten, and we continue to fight, we can attain the rights the we should not have had to give up when we chose transition over death. No other Americans have to give up rights when they choose life over death, why should we?

 

The International Bill of Gender Rights.

(As adopted June 17, 1995 Houston, Texas, USA)

“The International Bill of Gender Rights (IBGR) strives to express human and civil rights from a gender perspective. However, the ten rights enunciated below are not to be viewed as special rights applicable to a particular interest group. Nor are these rights limited in application to persons for whom gender identity and gender role issues are of paramount concern. All ten sections of the IBGR are universal rights which can be claimed and exercised by every human being.” 

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The Right to Define Gender Identity

All human beings carry within themselves an ever-unfolding idea of who they are and what they are capable of achieving. The individuals sense of self is not determined by chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role. Thus, the individuals identity and capabilities cannot be circumscribed by what society deems to be masculine or feminine behavior. It is fundamental that individuals have the right to define, and to redefine as their lives unfold, their own gender identities, without regard to chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

Therefore, all human beings have the right to define their own gender identity regardless of chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role; and further, no individual shall be denied Human or Civil Rights by virtue of a self-defined gender identity which is not in accord with chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

The Right To Free Expression Of Gender Identity

Given the right to define ones own gender identity, all human beings have the corresponding right to free expression of their self-defined gender identity.

Therefore, all human beings have the right to free expression of their self-defined gender identity; and further, no individual shall be denied Human or Civil Rights by virtue of the expression of a self-defined gender identity.

The Right To Secure And Retain Employment And To Receive Just Compensation

Given the economic structure of modem society, all human beings have 8 right to train for and to pursue an occupation or profession as a means of providing shelter, sustenance, and the necessities and bounty of life, for themselves and for those dependent upon them, to secure and retain employment, and to receive just compensation for their labor regardless of gender identity, chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

Therefore, individuals shall not be denied the right to train for and to pursue an occupation or profession, nor be denied the right to secure and retain employment, nor be denied just compensation for their labor, by virtue of their chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role, or on the basis of a self-defined gender identity or the expression thereof.

The Right Of Access To Gendered Space And Participation In Gendered Activity

Given the right to define one’s own gender identity and the corresponding right to free expression of a self-defined gender identity, no individual should be denied access to a space or denied participation in an activity by virtue of a self-defined gender identity which i5 not in accord with chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

Therefore, no individual shall be denied access to a space or denied participation in an activity by virtue of a self-defined gender identity which is not in accord with chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

The Right To Control And Change One’s Own Body

All human beings have the right to control their bodies, which includes the right to change their bodies cosmetically, chemically, or surgically, so as to express a self-defined gender identity.

Therefore, individuals shall not be denied the right to change their bodies as a means of expressing a self-defined gender identity; and further, individuals shall not be denied Human or Civil Rights on the basis that they have changed their bodies cosmetically, chemically, or surgically, or desire to do so as a means of expressing a self-defined gender identity.

The Right To Competent Medical And Professional Care

Given the individual’s right to define one’s own gender identity, and the right to change one’s own body as a means of expressing a self-defined gender identity, no individual should be denied access to competent medical or other professional care on the basis of the individual’s chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

Therefore, individuals shall not be denied the right to competent medical or other professional care when changing their bodies cosmetically, chemically, or surgically, on the basis of chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

The Right To Freedom From Psychiatric Diagnosis Or Treatment

Given the right to define one’s own gender identity, individuals should not be subject to psychiatric diagnosis or treatment solely on the basis of their gender identity or role.

Therefore, individuals shall not be subject to psychiatric diagnosis or treatment as mentally disordered or diseased solely on the basis of a self-defined gender identity or the expression thereof.

The Right To Sexual Expression

Given the right to a self-defined gender identity, every consenting adult has a corresponding right to free sexual expression.

Therefore, no individual’s Human or Civil Rights shall be denied on the basis of sexual orientation; and further, no individual shall be denied Human or Civil Rights for expression of a self-defined gender identity through sexual acts between consenting adults.

The Right To Form Committed, Loving Relationships And Enter Into Marital Contracts

Given that all human beings have the right to free expression of self-defined gender identities, and the right to sexual expression as a form of gender expression, a/l human beings have a corresponding right to form committed, loving relationships with one another, and to enter into marital contracts, regardless of their own or their partner’s chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role.

Therefore, individuals shall not be denied the right to form committed, loving relationships with one another or to enter into marital contracts by virtue of their own or their partner’s chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role, or on the basis of their expression of a self-defined gender identity.

The Right To Conceive, Bear, Or Adopt Children; The Right To Nurture And Have Custody Of Children And To Exercise Parental Capacity

Given the right to form a committed, loving relationship with another, and to enter into marital contracts, together with the right to express a self-defined gender identity and the right to sexual expression, individuals have a corresponding right to conceive and bear children, to adopt children, to nurture children, to have custody of children, and to exercise parental capacity with respect to children, natural or adopted, without regard to chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role, or by virtue of a self-defined gender identity or the expression thereof.

Therefore, individuals shall not be denied the right to conceive, bear, or adopt children, nor to nurture and have custody of children, nor to exercise parental capacity with respect to children, natural or adopted, on the basis of their own, their partner’s, or their children’s chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, initial gender role, or by virtue of a self-defined gender identity or the expression thereof.