There were a few things that have made me think this weekend. One of those things was a recent post on TranscendGender.com by Amber. In it she questions whether or not people like to read “happy posts.” I found this to be a very relevant and important question.
For many people in the trans community, blogs and internet postings have become a way to gain much needed support during the difficult times of transition. For many people, this may be their only outlet to try and get the support they need to make it through the hard times. As a result, many of us find posting our challenges to be not only a way to get support, but also a cathartic release of sorts as well. We can use this wonderful medium to get things off our chests or just put our thoughts into words.
Posts about challenges tend to elicit the most responses. Does that mean that those posts are the most read? Maybe, maybe not. Lets take a quick look at my own blogs stats to see what the numbers say. My most popular post so far, aside from my post on transcendgender on Transgender Access to Health Care, is a post I titles “Between Two Worlds.” This was a post in which I talked about my frustrations of being stuck between two worlds. The next three were on the importance of surgical status, my struggles with courage to transition, and one about the film “Trinidad.” By the way a side note here, looking at TransscendGender, posts about documentaries seem to be the most popular by far.
On the other end of the spectrum, my least read posts are one I wrote about a night out on the town(a positive post) and another one about my renewed commitment to this blog. The least popular were some of my most upbeat and happy posts.
As for comments, I tended to get the most comments when I discussed days when I was having a hard time with things or important trans-related topics, such as my discussion on identifying by surgical status. I’ll be the first to tell you that the comments for the posts when I was feeling down and out were the most important comments for me, and I just want to take a moment to thank those of you who posted to those. The other comments were important as well, they told me that the issues I was talking about were important to others in the community, and that I was not the only one thinking about them.
Now comes a part of this that has presented me with some angst. That is my not sharing some of the things that have gotten me the most excited during my transition in terms of help for my transition. I posted once on the benefits in my workplace. I am fortunate to work for a company that has comprehensive trans medical benefits, up to and including surgery. I was quite excited when I found all of this out, and I posted a bit about it. This was one of my least popular posts and it received no comments. The angst comes in that I sometimes feel guilty sharing some of this information on my blog or even with friends. I feel guilty because most are not fortunate to have the protections and coverage that I have. So, when I have these kinds of,”Wow! This is great!” moments, I feel reluctant to share this information.
I don’t think that we don’t want to hear about what is going well in each others lives, I think that we have found this medium to be a great way to get and lend support. I have never been a part of a community that was so dedicated to it members and to lending support to one another in our darkest moments. I think much of that comes from seeing too many of our sisters and brothers take their lives before they had a chance to live their lives, we don’t want to see any others take a step down that dark path. We also seek out support to help make sure that we make it to transition, and that we don’t take that final irreversible step into blackness.
I would like to see more of us share out normal everyday joys, along with the frustrations. I posted recently about the seemingly normal uneventful days that I was having. This was a post about how average some days of transition can be. In fact, I think that many of us probably wind up with more and more of these days, especially after transition. For me, these average, nothing special days are a sign that the dark days of depression and repression are slowly slipping away, and the days of being myself full time are approaching. I look forward to the day when most of my days are just normal days, and I have little to write about. I will still write anyway because I have come to find it to be an important part of my life.
Now on to some happy news. Warning, happy content ahead!
As some may know, the Out & Equal Workplace Summit took place in Austin, TX this last week. A contingent from my company came out for the conference, people from different work sites around the country. This was significant, because I got the chance to meet three people who have been a great support for me as I begin planning my workplace transition. These people included a member of our LGBT employee resource group, a trans-woman who works for my company, another contact in the ERG, and a woman who helped me get in touch with the right HR person in the company. The first individual answered my semi-anonymous e-mail and got the ball rolling for me. He got me in touch with the trans-woman, who helped me know that I was not alone. All of these people together have made a tremendous difference in my life. They took a huge weight off of my shoulders, and assured me that all would be ok at work, that I had nothing to worry about with this company.
Meeting them was a very emotional event for me. I held up well, but I was so thankful to them. They made such a difference. I was able to refocus that energy was I spending worried about workplace stuff, and use that energy for other tasks. What an amazing group of people. They even asked if I would present next year at Out & Equal, and I said sure! I hope they were serious, because I am. I plan on being full time by then, and it would be a huge honor to be a trans representative of my company at Out & Equal.
I hope to be able to say more about these wonderful people in the future. For now, for my privacy and theirs, I will keep them anonymous people, but they know who they are.
One thing I must say is that if your company has an LGBT employee group, get involved with it. Even if you are not out at work yet, you can be involved as an ally of the group. These groups can be instrumental in steering company policy and company benefits. The work you do now can benefit other transgender employees who come after you. These groups can only grow if people get involved. If you company doesn’t have such a group, find out the company policies on starting employee resource or networking groups. Find other LGBT folks in your company, and start one. Many companies don’t realize how many LGBT employees they have unless those employees make their voices known. If they think they don’t have many, why are they going to bother providing benefits or protections! For many trans people, the protections of their employers are the only protections they have until we can expand legal protections. It is because of employee resource groups that these folks are able to at least know their job is secure, even if they have no legal protection where they live.
I am in a fortunate position, and I thank God for this everyday. In my previous career, I saw first hand trans-women who had no jobs, no health coverage, no homes, no support. I want to see that become a thing of the past. I want to be a part of continuing the fight that other began before me. Just because I have these things does not mean I am content to just live my life. I was asked once why I care about things such as an inclusive ENDA when I am protected by my employer, and my response was simple yet heart felt,”Because there are other who are not protected.”
I may not yet be in a position to lobby and fight, but I guarantee you that the day will come. I was never an activist before. I never really took a stand on anything, but now I have a hard time not taking a stand. I finally have things that I believe in so strongly that I have to stand up and be heard. It is refreshing. I often wondered if I would be passionate about anything. In the last few months I have come to learn that you have to be passionate about life to be passionate about issues. I was not passionate about my life before, and, now, with each step closer to living my life as the woman that I am I become more passionate about life and living.
